Man Has Awkward Ride Home with Daughter after Seeing ‘Oldboy’

Man Has Awkward Ride Home with Daughter after Seeing ‘Oldboy’ Together On Thanksgiving  

(Spoiler Alert)

satire piece by Hollywood and Swine

A Cleveland man revealed he had the most awkward car ride of his life Thursday night after taking his 17-year-old daughter to the movies as part of their annual Thanksgiving tradition to see the new Spike Lee thriller, “Oldboy,” starring Josh Brolin, which bombed this weekend, making only $830,000.

According to Jake Bello, he avoided watching the original Korean version of “Oldboy” on Netflix because he didn’t want to ruin the film’s surprise twist, which he now regrets since the twist was that the woman Josh Brolin was having sex with was actually his long, lost daughter.

“Usually Spike Lee films just make feel terrible about being white, now they’re making me feel terrible about being a father,” Bello told Hollywood and Swine. “My daughter even thought I had rented out the theater since we were the only two people in there. Luckily, she saw this weekend’s boxoffice grosses and realized almost every theater playing ‘Oldboy’ was empty.”

For years numerous directors were attached to the American remake of “Oldboy” ranging from Justin Lin to Steven Spielberg. Before Lee signed on, acclaimed filmmaker Woody Allen took a stab at developing a remake to the South Korean classic which he praised for having the most satisfying twist in movie history.

But unfortunately Allen dropped out of the project due to creative differences, when he insisted on rewriting Elizabeth Olsen’s role to make her the adopted daughter of Brolin’s longtime girlfriend instead, as well as giving the film a happy ending where Brolin’s character marries Olsen’s character and after a while doesn’t seem so weird anymore.

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